Chappie

Robot 9 addresses sentiment rather than intellect of AI.  Copley goes to the Serkis while Ripley overcomes her fear of machines and struggles to keep Hugh’s hair from killing Slumdev.  Antwoord raises die question of whether casting actors would have been more effective.  Only artificially intelligent, but not too crappie.

Mortdecai

Johnny digs himself depper in mediocre mustachioed Stink Panther, playing a professional almost as inept as the producer who opted for R-rating.  Fantastic globe-trotting transitions hardly make up for clichéd plot, witless humor, and un-empathetic (except for gags (the bad kind)) characters.  If Mort means ‘death’ does ‘cai’ mean career?

Fifty Shades of Grey

 Perfectly recreates mediocrity of source material on screen with nuances of softcore soap-opera.  Edward signs a deal not to unfurrow his brow as long as Bella can avoid saying anything intelligent.  Tedious direction and ludicrous emotionality make Secretary ripoff about as interesting as a mosaic might be to the colorblind. 

The Martian

Saving Astronaut Damon is Scott’s first humans-only space epic and the cast, setting and result are stellar. Necessarily jettisons several of source’s set-pieces but remains loyal to the physics, the feel, and the fun.  Iron-ically cheesy finale and spaced out Glover are only detractors.  But Boromir explains Elrond to council!!!

Horns

Stephen Prince’s first adaptation is devilishly amusing and demonically inconsistent.   If the Cohens and Raimi teamed up (again) you’d get the first half.  Then the second gets raped to hell by weak motivations and excessive shock attempts.  Horny Potter breaks bad and blends in the best of his transatlantic co-stars. 

Devil

M shyows up in awkward religious voiceover that serves to give otherwise arbitrary horror flick a demonic spine.  What goes up must come to a final destination in this predictably plotted and embarrassingly acted whatdunnit.  Thank Dios for the short runtime of this night chronicle because then there was sun.

Top Five

Rock channels Woody making One Day in New York one of the top five Allen films not made by Allen.  Amusing jokes and characteristic racial quips pepper an otherwise aimless story of career dissatisfaction that certainly seems a tad auto-biographical.  Great set pieces fall short, dropping ones instead of hundreds.