The Magnificent Seven

Aside from diversity, re-remake adds nothing and the whole is less than the sum of its parts. Irrelevant anecdotes can’t magnify seven enough to carry overabundance of action in a film that’s literally stunted. The peculiar performances peak well before Hawke and Washington give the town a Fuqed up Training.

Jurassic World

Sequels find a way.  World extracts Park’s DNA and uses it to engineer a bastard movie equipped with all the technical weaponry of the past decade.  Our heroes run around the island, narrowly dodging dino-bullets and effectively ticking off all the obligatory Jurassic beats, while completely failing to evolve themselves.

The Judge

Stark becomes a Lannister, with incest, odd siblings, and a principled but morally questionable patriarch.  Duvall delivers best performance in bleak and tedious character study that’s frequently distracted by irrelevant bench discussions.  Overwhelming burden of choosing genre crushes this Grisham reject resulting in a case that must appeal… to few.