Avengers: Infinity War

Whoever thought this many marvelous heroes could run the Gauntlet must’ve been Infinitely Stoned. But they somehow succeeded, so here’s 25 words, cuz Oh Snap!

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2

Starship Supers spank space-Trump’s golden army before warping into marvelous Jerry Springer episode to intercede in the intergalactic seeding of egotistical Russelhoff and teach him the Yon-dos and don’ts of stellar adoption. Another fun mixtape of physically impossible Pratt-falls, absurdly abrupt dispute resolution and cosmic comedy firmly grooted in family.

Live by Night

Affleck’s Godfather doesn’t own the night in a film roughly as lively as a prohibition documentary. His wooden performance blends in perfectly with the muted Gray color palette and similarly sedated supporting stars. Interesting story, crisp dialog and bloody Tampans leave hope that Ben’s directorial success isn’t gone baby gone.

Star Trek Beyond

Simon says he’ll date a zebra, but can’t quite Pegg the writing and the whole enterprise comes crashing down. Even zero-g disbelief suspension can’t save this shipwreck, which starts with miraculously parting principals from slaughtered sea of red-shirts, treks through a minefield of coincidence and culminates in a predictable fistfight.