Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

‘Fantastic Franchise and How to Make it Tedious: The Exposition of Everything’ is about as exciting as it’s endless title, an ill concocted potion that pits a caricaturish Depp against Law, who’s admittedly brilliant, and perhaps the only shining spark in a not so magical, muggled mess of a movie.

Captain Marvel

Law and Larson search for Lawson while Jackson and Coulson add more maleness to the mix in Marv-elle’s embarrassingly late, first female-centric film. Unfortunately, in this Star-Warsy epic, Brie fails to bring it despite ample room and support from Annette, bening over backwards to add depth to a shallow premise.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Son of Royalty snatches the sword in this ritchly visual re-re-retelling of the classic tale. Sharp editing and pointed dialog compensate for kitschy character development and plot contrivances, while the dark magic of the vfx wizards keeps the kingdom enthralled until a lackluster ending brutally breaks plot rules and Law.

Spy

McCarthy is Austen Powers in Spiesmaids, which Bonds silly predictability with heart-felt genre love and despite detours manages to eventually hit its target.  Supporting cast brilliantly lampoon themselves, though American Law is as off-putting as it sounds.  Heavy-handed fat jokes get shaken and stirred in with clever satire for mixed results.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Fantastic Mr. Anderson narrowly manages self-expansion and self-analysis over self-imitation as he disassembles a grand Dubrovnik nesting doll to discover a delicious nut in the form of an abnormally friendly Fiennes.  A smattering of stars pepper the convoluted plot as story and cinematography anamorph from past symmetries to symmetrical pasts.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Film-makers re-prove how much smarter they are than you by solving the problem before determining what it is. Downey’s Holmes inverts Laurie’s House while strongest performance is laid down by law. McAdams subtraction filled by misplaced Rapace. Best aspects are elementary: stunningly slow effects, and a bit of Ritchie wit.

Hugo

Scorsese casts an actor even more baby-faced than Dicaprio in first family film. Child stars play Potter cast perfectly as Kingsley mopes his way through a quasi-historical depression. Flashbacks can’t seem to break Law free of his A.I. days, as Borat slapsticks a weird taste on an otherwise quaint film.

Contagion

Soderbergh Traffics in another terrifying global film. Sprawling story adequately accomplishes conveying scope of realistic doomsday scenario, but fails to see some it’s character studies through to completion. Strong performances with epidemic of Oscars are sometimes over-powered by look-at-me editing, and a pervasive score. Good Planet of the Apes tie-in.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Gill.I.Am makes mess of things again, this time aided by Ledger’s death. Radical rewrite renders movie incomprehensible but justifies involvement of every sexiest man alive. Law, Farrell, and Depp all emulating Ledger spectacularly can’t cover up perplexing plot or hopeless mini-me. Instead of watching, view poster and imagine the rest.

I Heart Huckabees

Either an excellent satire or a laughable exploration of alternative mode of thought. Watts and Wahlberg take comedic turns while Schwartzman plays himself and Hoffman inhabits role that’s stranger than fiction. Contrived plot and quirky humor establish tone perfectly. Surely did for exercise balls what E.T. did for Reese’s Pieces.

Sherlock Holmes

RDJ and Jude Law discover that an evil genius has turned London into a Dan Brown novel. Peppered with clue-leaves and the tails of clue-rats, completely indecipherable hints designed to make the viewer feel not clever enough. Pseudo-intellectual film made entertaining by good actors and occasional sequences of 300 slo-mo.