Mary Poppins Returns

Poppins attempts to recreate not innovate, generating a super-fragile remake, riding original not to highest heights, but down the drain despite Hamilton’s de-light-ful dedication. After a kite-flying, hover-nanny throwback, two-way Streep sends the story backwards, then banker-ex-machina cameos in for a patched-together pace-stopper of a conclusion that… ends… up… boring!!!!!

The Post

Equal parts history lesson and current events commentary, this President’s Men (and Women) prequel delivers a good lead but fails to follow it up compellingly. Hanks and Streep easily traverse their tiny character arcs, while lesser roles are occupied by TV regulars, all on a quest to break something bad.

Florence Foster Jenkins

Meryl proves to be a two-way Streep, just as capable of acting talentless as talented. Frears delights in torturing audience with extended segments of perfectly rendered horrible singing. Grant’s fascinatingly complex supporting character and the film’s morally ambiguous attitude towards him make for the best note in otherwise painful melody.

Into the Woods

Like Streep’s appearance, odd musical fantasy venture oscillates between grotesque Sondheim quasi-horror and flowery Disney kids pic without ever settling on witch it actually wants to be.  Disquieting off-screen deaths and thinly veiled themes of pedophilia and adultery guide this movie into the dark woods between two potentially powerful demographics.

The Giver

Despite divergence from slower, more philosophical source material, this underdeveloped dystopia could still have given more game to satisfy the viewers’ hunger.  Jeff’s mediocre mental montages barely Bridge the gap between surface silliness and deeper meaning while beautiful B&W cinematography further undermines premise through vast superiority to clichéd color counterpart.