Jupiter Ascending

Soaped up space opera lets solid sci-fi ideas slip through the matrix as it juggles too much spectacle.  Mike’s Magic shoes send him soaring around in superficial circles while queen bee Kunis bats her eyes ad infinitum. Intergalactic humans fall for Aliens ending as everything combusts in a murky mess.

The Martian

Saving Astronaut Damon is Scott’s first humans-only space epic and the cast, setting and result are stellar. Necessarily jettisons several of source’s set-pieces but remains loyal to the physics, the feel, and the fun.  Iron-ically cheesy finale and spaced out Glover are only detractors.  But Boromir explains Elrond to council!!!

Mirror Mirror

Tarsem’s lighter rendition of the fairy tale is goofy and quirky but lacking in charm.  Lane’s real life Timon, Collins’ non-Stewartness, and a band of actual little people are the highlights of a film which upon reflection is flashy but forgettable.  Tarsem makes a film even shorter lived than Immortals.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Columbus discovers American world for Harry Potter in Polite Dispute of the Titans. Abandons senseless book plot in favor of alternative irrational national traipse, and adds healthy dose of Star Wars dialogue with lightning-saber battle to match. Only two performances shine from thunder; Alpa Chino’s furry bootysweat, and Coogan’s Pacino.