Heist

De Niro is lured out of his Casino to face another baseball bat wielding supervillain when title ends 30 minutes in and lukewarm Heat transitions into slow Speed. Ludicrous law-enforcement tactics make sleight of hand twist seem plausible in a thriller that finally hits its stride as a cigarette commercial.

The Losers

Racing the only slightly better Expendable Team, this appropriately loses. Evans steals every scene, but audience wonders why he’d want them. A blisteringly bad bad-guy and the Comedian’s subpar jokes can’t even make this comic-lover’s nightmare into a winner. A couple great kabooms, but the result is far from Earth-shattering.

Watchmen

Not actually a movie, but rather a collection of scene reenactments glued together by rough semblance of plot. Modifications to source material include consolidation or elimination of several subplots, expansion of single frame into soft-core porn scene, increased frequency of blue penis appearance, oh, and complete rewrite (improvement?) of ending.