Swiss Army Man

If Michel Gondry had directed Castaway… Dano’s Tom Hankson uses Harry Rotter’s magic wand to point his way home, while expounding on life, love, and masturbatory mothers. Confident swan-dive into uninhibited surrealism works well for the setup, but even the farts lose steam when they hit the straightened out twist.

10 Cloverfield Lane

Refuses to lock itself in with rules, and therefore avoids breaking any.  What could have been a claustrophobic chamber-piece has plenty of breathing room thanks to solid cinematography and performances that make it all good, man.   Peculiar franchise allusion and suspiciously spoiler-esque title make Signs 2 all the more surprising.

The Thing (2010)

Clever remake/secret prequel functions as an update for original fans and newcomers alike.  Less impressive cast than the Carpenter construction leaves less empathetic characters, and it may be possible that effects advances actually removed viewers further, still attention to detail and a few effective scares mean some-thing was done right.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Spoiler alert: ALVH spoils history, vampire films, and your day.  What is Lincoln’s superpower?  Why can’t vamps hurt each other?  Why infiltrate AND blow up the train? Why emphasize bad FX through slo-mo?  Why do the editing, score, acting, and dialogue all suck worse than the most thirsty confederate undead?

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

George Michael vs. Anne (Bland), Superman, and Human Torch in stylized masterpiece from Edgar ‘Shaun’ Wright. Cera gives depth to his usual character. Uses incredible stylization to compliment, not replace, content but periodically goes too far. Struggles to top opening fights and premature Evans introduction but still manages admirably. Epic!

Death Proof

Tarantino realizes that people love his table talk, and seriously over-obliges to everyone’s dismay . Succeeds masterfully at creating an uninteresting and seemingly poorly made film. Closing car chase and reappearance of Russell are film’s saving graces, though it’s depressing that this is worse than many of his early films.