Christopher Robin

Titular character struggles to escape from his adult tedium in a film that somehow manages to render childhood nostalgia almost as bland as a dull desk job. Creepy animation only further detaches audience from story that should tug at heart strings. Overall, an adorable idea full of nothing but stuffing.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Elitist Hermione follows her hobbit father into a slightly less animated re-imagined adventure. Book-smarts bring beastiality to beauty’s brain, playing perfectly into Princely prick’s quest to pursue a tail as young as possible. Meanwhile no one sings like Gaston, though Gad spells disastter in Evans’ efforts to ring a Belle.

Mortdecai

Johnny digs himself depper in mediocre mustachioed Stink Panther, playing a professional almost as inept as the producer who opted for R-rating.  Fantastic globe-trotting transitions hardly make up for clichéd plot, witless humor, and un-empathetic (except for gags (the bad kind)) characters.  If Mort means ‘death’ does ‘cai’ mean career?

August: Osage County

A-list episode of family feud is another solid stage-to-screen adaptation, with obligatory exterior additions to make it a movie.  Struggles a bit with pacing and a clunky ending.  Mulroney plays the only flat note, while Cumberbatch and Nicholson’s amazing performances are overshadowed by strung out Streep and raging, running-things Roberts.

The Impossible

White people were hurt by the tsunami?  Impossible!  Severe racial skew aside, the entire British (not true-story Spanish) cast deliver literally breath-taking performances.  Devastating devastation effects and a fifty-fifty blend of gut-wrenching physical realism and rarely forced soul-stomping emotional punches create an effect, which isn’t impossible, but is still impressive.

Haywire

Soderbergh’s Girl Fight Experience outgrows its predecessor and is bourne into disjunctive action mess.  Major stars braved traffic to show up onset and then suffered contagious underuse.  Fassbender and Banderas have names longer than their roles, and even McGregor just stumbles around in poorly edited mediocrity.  Carano however, Way higher.