Avengers: Infinity War

Whoever thought this many marvelous heroes could run the Gauntlet must’ve been Infinitely Stoned. But they somehow succeeded, so here’s 25 words, cuz Oh Snap!

12 Strong

Despite intense action sequences and heavy helping of familial empathy enhancers, Thorse Soldiers lacks emotional impact of Lone Survivor or suspense of Zero Dark Thirty. The story is straightforward though their path meanders, and character arcs fall unsatisfyingly in between. And the ‘bad Muslims’ educational cutaway feels preachy and unnecessary.

Thor: Ragnarok

What We Do in the Cosmos plays Thor for laughs, but slips into idiocracy for lengthy rags-to-rocks second act made entertaining by gladiatorial Goldmaster. Blanchett’s character lacks the complexity of her thorny performance. Psychedelic colors and Marvel’s first memorable music assist endless ad-lib in delaying end (of world and film).

In the Heart of the Sea

Thor and Poseidon wage war after curious cross-continental casting and bookish bookends preemptively waterlog white whale’s tale. Spiderman and scarecrow silently spectate the feud between master and commander while generally beautiful cinematography is periodically dragged under by excessive artificiality. A clever turn of phrase twists emotional ending away from expectations.