The Artist

Pseudo-past prediction of Singin’ in the Rain complete with Clockwork McDowell. OSS 117 covers accent with silence, and delivers perfect Clooney meets Carrey performance. Reminder of when Goodman was good and Cromwell did well. Film tightropes between artistic concept and quirky gimmick and successfully crosses silent chasm to thunderous applause.

Book of Eli

Sheriff Gordon rallies EVERYONE to hunt down Kimbo Slice in I Am The Road Warrior. Comic book perfectly stylistically rendered for screen. Washington meets George and Martha before massive shootout and strange boat scene straight from Children of Inside Men. Then, like Clockwork the eternal king of dystopian Doomsdays appears.

Easy A

Classmates socially stone Emma for alleged sexual indiscretions in The Scarlet Podcast, compelling look at teens today and mediocre attempt at Hawthorne modernization. High school viewers may be jealous, not of the leads pseudo-sex-life, but rather of greatest parents ever, Tucci and Clarkson. Don’t you forget about excessive film references.

Caligula

Early indicator of where McDowell’s career was headed. Half-ass set decoration and costume design hardly make up for abysmal screenplay and terrible acting. Features several erect penises and even some femme-a-femme 69, but if you want to see sex with a weak story, watch porn; this isn’t nearly as well-crafted.

Doomsday

Combines worst parts of Resident Evil, Timeline, and Road Warrior in attempt to create film with self-fulfilling title (which ironically is unrelated to plot). Pseudo-Beckinsale delivers decent performance which can’t help but stand out in a washed up land where Malcolm McDowell is king. Makes the Reaper virus look desirable.