Murder on the Orient Express

Only one culprit in the murder of a movie made attractive by first-class cast, cleverly contained coverage and a talented hair & mustache department; the script. Less whodunit and more whocares, once the plot is set in locomotion, it’s promptly derailed by an avalanche of artificial action and useless clues.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Elitist Hermione follows her hobbit father into a slightly less animated re-imagined adventure. Book-smarts bring beastiality to beauty’s brain, playing perfectly into Princely prick’s quest to pursue a tail as young as possible. Meanwhile no one sings like Gaston, though Gad spells disastter in Evans’ efforts to ring a Belle.