Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Elitist Hermione follows her hobbit father into a slightly less animated re-imagined adventure. Book-smarts bring beastiality to beauty’s brain, playing perfectly into Princely prick’s quest to pursue a tail as young as possible. Meanwhile no one sings like Gaston, though Gad spells disastter in Evans’ efforts to ring a Belle.

The Conspirator

Redford’s post-Lincoln pic drowns its talent in the overly theatrical lighting, stagy direction, and tedious dialogue of a historical reenactment, and thus assassinates chances at cinematic success.  McAvoy’s underwhelming lead strives valiantly to accomplish nothing resulting in the most frustrating courtroom scenes ever filmed.  Plenty of potential seems suspiciously unrealized.

No Strings Attached

Portman’s Black Swan follow up is… well, it’s another step on her journey to screw the That 70’s Show. Watching Kutcher try to share the screen with Portman is adorable, as is watching Reitman try to make one of his son’s movies. Many lucky accidents and Elwes instead of extras.