The Fate of the Furious

Nobody Russels up the regulars to domin8 rogue Torreto as he remains oddly silent about his hijo ex machina, while driving for a nuclear blonde Fast Furiosa. Wave of World War Zehicles and Game of Thrones guests breathe nos into stale franchise, but the flame retardant finale is glacially sub-par.

Furious Seven

The Rock rolls over as Statham transports his genre expertise into this Diesel-fueled joy ride.  A couple of Kurt commands send the team through several fun-filled video-game (and building) levels, but the slow-paced L.A. finale is even less arouse-y than Ronda’s brief ‘performance’.  Plus a fond farewell to Fast Walker.

Spy

McCarthy is Austen Powers in Spiesmaids, which Bonds silly predictability with heart-felt genre love and despite detours manages to eventually hit its target.  Supporting cast brilliantly lampoon themselves, though American Law is as off-putting as it sounds.  Heavy-handed fat jokes get shaken and stirred in with clever satire for mixed results.

The Expendables 2

Both the action and the self-referential jokes work better than discardable predecessor.  Additions of Van Damme and Norris infuse film with jolts of life and camp.  Li drops out too soon, but Willis and Schwarzenegger bring exactly the right kind of fun.  Biggest failure is from makeup department; why try?

The Italian Job (2003)

Original remake that abandons subtlety of original in favor of explosive action but maintains sexy iconic mini-cooper chase. A tremendous cast of A-listers Ocean Eleven their way through a clever heist. Audiences may have trouble accepting Norton as a bad guy, or anyone other than Jude Law as Michael Caine.

The Expendables

Excess celebrity (quantity and individual size) and absence of story constitute amusing but unsubstantial spectacle. In-jokes provide occasional amusement as does speculation about which seen broke Stallone’s neck. Perhaps crowning moment is Planet Hollywood reunion, which serves up dialogue on par with its food. With eighty percent fluff, impressively well-titled.

Death Race

Remake filled with so much testosterone that just watching it builds muscle mass. Only similarities to original 1975 film are character names and intense feeling of guilty pleasure. Features relatively solid story and fantastically executed stunts and effects. Action sometimes becomes too ridiculous, but then, the title is Death Race.