Shazam!

DC’s E.T. manages marvel-ous mixture of comedy and heart to easily hurtle past decade’s low bar. Though inconsistent with Asher’s performance Levi’s caricature hero untangles problematic plot while diverse and talented supporting players band together to out-sparkle their third act avatars. Even ends alarmingly well because that’s the exclamation point!

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Son of Royalty snatches the sword in this ritchly visual re-re-retelling of the classic tale. Sharp editing and pointed dialog compensate for kitschy character development and plot contrivances, while the dark magic of the vfx wizards keeps the kingdom enthralled until a lackluster ending brutally breaks plot rules and Law.

Seventh Son

Awful expository voiceover.  Contrived Romeo & Juliet subplot.  Badly spelled-out plot twists. Semi-plagiarized Howard score. Jon Snow knowing less than nothing. Julianne’s a-moore-al cliché of a villainess.  And Jeff Bridges as Aldo Raine as Gandalf is seventh sign of film’s colossal failure. Brilliant writers expand mediocre book into awful film.

Furious Seven

The Rock rolls over as Statham transports his genre expertise into this Diesel-fueled joy ride.  A couple of Kurt commands send the team through several fun-filled video-game (and building) levels, but the slow-paced L.A. finale is even less arouse-y than Ronda’s brief ‘performance’.  Plus a fond farewell to Fast Walker.

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Hiccup grows up and his world grows out, expanding to include contrived backstory, overly complex dragon rules and countless questions about how everyone knows where they’re going.  Teen friends flirt until frozen reunion leads to most tedious dragon fight ever. Despite stilted pacing and awkward arcs, still an entertaining flight.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Gunn hits bulls-eye with this branch-in-cheek rendition of Star Wars: The Force Avenges.  Bautista finally flexes acting muscles while Cooper perfects Pesci impression, Diesel and Seldana go green and Pratt cements his star status.   Effects, humor and heart make up for misused collection of bit-players and deus ex galactica finale.