Captain America: Civil War

Two guys shy of an Avengers flick, Captain vs. Iron: Dawn of Cinema deals with identical themes of dreadful DC doppelganger but beautifully bolsters battles with empathetic characters, meaningful motivations, and plot logic. Even cinematic universe building blocks feel like more than just superfluous strands to expand Marvel’s dark web.   

Ant Man

Big time crook turns to petty crime in Marvel’s Irony Man.  Rudd fails to steer this clunky quasi-comedic heist through awkward pacing, ham-fisted emotional backstory, and remarkably low stakes.  Lilly’s Zeta-Jones costume makes Douglas seem even more villainous than trying to blow up his company to stop his protégé’s progress does.

Gangster Squad

Gangsterland proves that with enough star-power, a terrible script can be transformed into an equally terrible movie.  2-dimensional characters babble clichéd lines throughout an overly dumbed-down condensed TV-series plot.  Gosling and Stone make one Crazy Stupid decision after another and Brolin decides this is No City for Penn’s bulldog mask.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Spoiler alert: ALVH spoils history, vampire films, and your day.  What is Lincoln’s superpower?  Why can’t vamps hurt each other?  Why infiltrate AND blow up the train? Why emphasize bad FX through slo-mo?  Why do the editing, score, acting, and dialogue all suck worse than the most thirsty confederate undead?

The Hurt Locker

Simultaneously brooding and breath-taking, recreates the harshness and excitement of war without accidentally killing the audience. Made more incredible by Renner’s phenomenally nuanced performance. Employs Reitman’s frequent celeb cameos technique to great effect. Somewhat forced scene at end kept in despite change from equally ambiguous original title, ‘The Cereal Aisle.’