Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Spaceships idle infinitely along while wonderfully diverse heroes meander about on meaningless missions, diving through plotholes to find silly set-pieces like the Dobby-horse race and 50 shades of Rey’s red room of pain. Mediocre choreography and weak story compete for worst place with Poe’s deadly stupidity and Kylo’s aim-all-guns strategy.

Murder on the Orient Express

Only one culprit in the murder of a movie made attractive by first-class cast, cleverly contained coverage and a talented hair & mustache department; the script. Less whodunit and more whocares, once the plot is set in locomotion, it’s promptly derailed by an avalanche of artificial action and useless clues.