The Fate of the Furious

Nobody Russels up the regulars to domin8 rogue Torreto as he remains oddly silent about his hijo ex machina, while driving for a nuclear blonde Fast Furiosa. Wave of World War Zehicles and Game of Thrones guests breathe nos into stale franchise, but the flame retardant finale is glacially sub-par.

Furious Seven

The Rock rolls over as Statham transports his genre expertise into this Diesel-fueled joy ride.  A couple of Kurt commands send the team through several fun-filled video-game (and building) levels, but the slow-paced L.A. finale is even less arouse-y than Ronda’s brief ‘performance’.  Plus a fond farewell to Fast Walker.

S.W.A.T.

Farrell gets re-recruited to B-Team by Xander Cage’s old mentor, Jackson who manages to piss off Renner by including unCool J in anything.  Mildly amusing if utterly predictable action flick.  Provides plenty of explosions, and just enough Rodriguez but never even considers treading new turf.  Oscartavia Spencer pre-cameo hits mark.

Battle Los Angeles

Aside from being set in Santa Monica and mostly involving avoiding battle, Battle Ship Down is a mildly amusing War of the West attempt.  Eckhart battles with a sad attempt at back story in addition to variably killable District L.A-liens.  Overall, weakest element is contrived bomb plot and clichés galore.

Machete

Trejo finally gets lead role as Rodriguez realizes that his bad movies are his best. Simultaneously lampoons lost genre while actually analyzing current affairs issue. Beautifully incorporates footage from source trailer and provides caricature stereotype characters for Latino cast and wild ones for De Niro, Lohan, and surprising impressive Segal.

Avatar

Visually orgasmic reformatting of old story into fantastical new world. If C.S. Lewis can do it to Jesus, why can’t Cameron do it Pocahontas? Pervasive political message tries and fails to detract from special effects extravaganza. Not for people who hate beauty, excitement, or Native Americans. That said, ‘unobtanium,’ really?