Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Columbus discovers American world for Harry Potter in Polite Dispute of the Titans. Abandons senseless book plot in favor of alternative irrational national traipse, and adds healthy dose of Star Wars dialogue with lightning-saber battle to match. Only two performances shine from thunder; Alpa Chino’s furry bootysweat, and Coogan’s Pacino.

The Goonies

Sam Gamgee searches for One-Eyed Willie’s ring of power in Spielberg’s E.T./Indiana Jones hybrid. Embraces Disney approach to making kid’s stories loaded with references for adults, particularly to the filmmakers’ other works (i.e. Gremlins, Superman). Baby Brolin, Shortround, and Corey #2 complete an all-star child cast while dropping S-H-I-T-bombs aplenty.