Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

‘Fantastic Franchise and How to Make it Tedious: The Exposition of Everything’ is about as exciting as it’s endless title, an ill concocted potion that pits a caricaturish Depp against Law, who’s admittedly brilliant, and perhaps the only shining spark in a not so magical, muggled mess of a movie.

Murder on the Orient Express

Only one culprit in the murder of a movie made attractive by first-class cast, cleverly contained coverage and a talented hair & mustache department; the script. Less whodunit and more whocares, once the plot is set in locomotion, it’s promptly derailed by an avalanche of artificial action and useless clues.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

It’s another Turner’s turn to cage Sparrow into fighting a bigger baddy. Chaotic whirlpool of a plot plays broken compass so aggressively that Depp nearly loses his head. Silva’s stint in No Ocean for Living Men is predictably entrancing, but excessive parent-child cheese drops an anchor into otherwise surfable wave.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

Bobin mirrors Burton to admirable effect. Alice navigates a visually astounding narrative maze on foolhardy Adventure through Underland, finding herself lost in the machines and machinations of a monarchy of Miserables. Depp phones it in, but it’s still a call worth answering, especially as writers sing Carrols of frabjous wordplay.