John Wick: Chapter 2

John acquires less cute but more durable dog and sets out to Wick some more ass. Though the plot is far from bullet-proof, the action has enough adrenaline for three matrices combined and an entertaining array of unCommon opponents including ironically deaf Sheiber make for a compelling two-hour stunt reel.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

It’s another Turner’s turn to cage Sparrow into fighting a bigger baddy. Chaotic whirlpool of a plot plays broken compass so aggressively that Depp nearly loses his head. Silva’s stint in No Ocean for Living Men is predictably entrancing, but excessive parent-child cheese drops an anchor into otherwise surfable wave.

Assassin's Creed

Mechanical story ensnares Fassbender and repeatedly thrusts him through a plot-hole where he must endure rigorous resistance training juggling nonsensical exposition and gratuitous action. Despite the best efforts of both backlight and backstory, it never elevates to art, and even Irons and Cotillard can’t imbue the story with Shakespearean gravitas.