The Box

Richard Kelly delivers another tale from outside the box… of human comprehension. Like the inane questions in Netflix radio commercials, Kelly confidently plops out senseless plot-point. Marsden and Diaz manage to maintain some legitimacy amidst the madness, while a well two-faced Langella shows Nolan how it’s done. Boxes the brain.

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Perseus ‘3-D’ Jackson rides a digital horse into an ocean of mangled mythology. He fights with force of great typhoon as he struggles to be a man and sort out differences between Voldemort and Aslan, neither of whom are Titans. Decent effects and action sequences clash with titanic story flaws.

The Kids are All Right

Too long since someone cast A-nette and reeled in a great bunch of performances. Alice holds her own with Moore and Ruffalo as she adventures through 'family torn asunder-land.' Ruffalo’s feathers are ruffled by the film's failure to address his storyline adequately, but otherwise far better than just all right.

Cop Out

Smith does as he goes from porn film to dick flick. Funnier than the Porno, but still lacks original Smith depth and sentimentality. Morgan tries to learn what Willis is talking about, and chemistry is excellent. Even Scott manages to deliver in funny but not great buddy cop send up.

I Love You, Man

Apatow’s troupe goes off on their own and finally showcase the bro-mance. Rudd assumes the awkward man role beautifully, though Segel plays over the top. Clever for it’s simple adherence to rom-com formula, and hilarious thanks to Huebel and Samberg’s supporting roles, though both are under-used. I like it, man.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Jay cuts hair to signify Smith going Rogen in Apatow attempt. Plenty of clever gags come easy from ample risqué situations, but lack the overall lovable Clerks quirks. The nudity aside, an otherwise fairly conventional recent rom-com. Brandon and Long steal show and take more from each other than names.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Columbus discovers American world for Harry Potter in Polite Dispute of the Titans. Abandons senseless book plot in favor of alternative irrational national traipse, and adds healthy dose of Star Wars dialogue with lightning-saber battle to match. Only two performances shine from thunder; Alpa Chino’s furry bootysweat, and Coogan’s Pacino.

Observe and Report

Tonally confused. Paul Blart got Knocked Up by a Taxi Driver. Empathy with Rogen is only possible because everyone else is even worse. Pena gives best performance but Faris is barely bearable. Scenes of occasional violence are ironically funniest parts in film where reporting is more enjoyable than observing was.

Book of Eli

Sheriff Gordon rallies EVERYONE to hunt down Kimbo Slice in I Am The Road Warrior. Comic book perfectly stylistically rendered for screen. Washington meets George and Martha before massive shootout and strange boat scene straight from Children of Inside Men. Then, like Clockwork the eternal king of dystopian Doomsdays appears.

Funny People

Funny people does not equal funny performances. Sandler does well with quasi-serious part of role, but becomes too douchy to empathize with. Rogen and rest of cast do stand up but don’t stand out. Bana revitalizes film in eighth act, but by the three hour mark it loses laughs again.

Solitary Man

Gordon Gekko’s horny brother stars with Sarandon again in Wall Street 3: Money Took a Nap. Douglas’ performance is entertaining, and he has remarkable chemistry with each co-star. Jesse Eisenbeouf learns to network socially while Parker’s lonely housewife goes Red with rage. Still, storyline isn’t compelling and ending feels forced.

Pride and Prejudice

So bland it makes book look interesting by comparison, almost interesting enough to justify non-BBC non-Firth version. Beautiful cinematography distracts from dialogue that makes other actors speak as awkwardly as Knightley. Sutherland must’ve enjoyed working with all of Britain’s soon-to be leading ladies. To make this right, Wright must atone.

Sense and Sensibility

Trelawney gets a Grant with self-scripted role while she sticks Winslet with Snape, who finally gets to be a good guy. Meanwhile House makes a home with Umbrage, and everyone struggles to express themselves through bookish British dialogue. Released in China under alternative title: Crouching Sense, Hidden Sensibility. Jolly good.

Boogie Nights

Compelling look at veritable porn family and even more compelling looks at RollerGraham and most of Moore. Brilliant long shots, great performances, and resurrection of Reynolds lend to nearly perfect ensemble film. Wahlberg accurately predicts ‘big stardom’ despite odd car scene with his ten dollar 13-inch-long. Cast reappears in Magnolia.

Into the Wild

Penn graduates acting and disappears into directing his Milky boyfriend. Hurt softens Hurt and Harden as Hirsch races speedily through a cast of comedians and meets vampiric new girl next door. Beautifully executed piece has perfect mix of romance and realism to make anyone almost want to be Supertramp. Almost.

James and the Giant Peach

Dreyfuss asked for a bigger boat but got a peach in this excellent adaptation of the beloved book. Burton’s striped fingers are evident in this children’s adventure and grotesque horror all Roald into one, especially during ocean encounter with Captain Jack Skellington. Moral: Don’t accept phosphorous pasta from Pete Postlethwaite.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

Depp and Dicaprio spend time At World’s Endora before taking their careers to the seas. Young Romeo is so powerful that he inspires Scissorhands to embarrass himself in Benny and Joon, and Lewis sets in motion a string of trailer trash performances. Quirky Dewey and Willard are overshadowed by mother.

Reds

Beatty’s Braveheart attempts to be timeless by lasting forever. Dull documentary clips used to separate bouts of brilliant banter only exacerbate pacing problem that not even Nicholson can fix. Keaton holds her own but clearly misses Woody’s wit and short run times. Forces viewer to consider communism, counter-revolutionaries, and clock.

Blue Valentine

Heart-wrenchingly real look at why love sucks. Gosling goes full Nelson with powerful performance in anti-Notebook. Williams delivers as well, and both performances invite viewer to wallow amidst a future room of despair. Far too mundane for mainstream. Think 500 Days of Winter, though Gosling’s hairline suggests more like 5000.

The Sting

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Con. Brilliant crime flick revisits amazing Newman-Redford chemistry. Twists beautifully and demands attention to detail though there’s no illusion that all will come together (or apart) as planned. Could have cut a bit better, perhaps by excluding Redford’s creepy girl. What really stings: the sequel.

Thank You For Smoking

Reitman captures Buckley’s wit beautifully with help from perfect cast. Exotic blend of clever humor with slapstick-esque hilarity, rolled into a perfect satiric cinematic joint. Eckhart makes himself a household name, and spends time in Holmes as well. X-Men Leech holds his own and doesn’t run scared from brilliant flick.

The Italian Job (2003)

Original remake that abandons subtlety of original in favor of explosive action but maintains sexy iconic mini-cooper chase. A tremendous cast of A-listers Ocean Eleven their way through a clever heist. Audiences may have trouble accepting Norton as a bad guy, or anyone other than Jude Law as Michael Caine.

Sunshine

Intelligent deep-space thriller with depth of Solaris and the excitement of Alien. Boyle goes big scale for this one and uses Fincher-esque camera moves to restart the sun. Stellar international cast explore the burden of saving humanity while struggling to learn why Boyle trashed the film in the third act.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

A smart sentimental movie that masterfully hides from genre categorization. Carrey takes a serious turn while Winslet and Ruffalo go crazy. Dunst and Wood make odd additions but everyone works in service of this carefully constructed screwball adventure. Like Inception but emotional instead of intellectual, so the opposite, an exception.