Jupiter Ascending

Soaped up space opera lets solid sci-fi ideas slip through the matrix as it juggles too much spectacle.  Mike’s Magic shoes send him soaring around in superficial circles while queen bee Kunis bats her eyes ad infinitum. Intergalactic humans fall for Aliens ending as everything combusts in a murky mess.

Spectre

Chicken little was right.  The sky has fallen, and though Bond landed on a couch, everything else was reduced to rubble.  That includes the narrative, the world, the supporting characters, and even the franchise staples.  Indecipherable conspiracy, mediocre action, and tonal tedium culminate with an inglorious villain who frankly blows.

Crimson Peak

Peak marks Del Toro’s all time low, sinking even deeper than its Pacific predecessor.  Hiddleston steals the show as he struggles between the chaste and the Chastain.  Meanwhile Mia navigates fifty shades of red with guidance by visually spectacular specters who do nothing for the narrative. A big bloody mess.