Gamer

Neveldine and Taylor crank out this poorly plotted ‘Running Man’ ripoff overflowing with glitchy editing and arbitrary breast shots. Butler is decent but Sedgwick is weak, even compared to Lohman, Luda, and Leguizamo. Michael C. Hall is film’s saving grace, but still, Leonidas vs. Dexter & Terry Crews? Game Over.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

‘Alice in Narnia’ marks Disney’s third failure to shoot a compelling epic and proves that digital effects haven’t evolved far enough to fix bad writing. Depp’s schizophrenic performance oscillates from Pee Wee to Braveheart while Burton’s creepiness drowns in a shallow effects orgy. Highlights are big-headed Bellatrix and floating Puss-in-Boots.

A Serious Man

Unrelated Yiddish segment. Typical Coen Brothers witty dialogue without their standard high concept plot. Loosely parallels story of Job and is therefore somewhat depressing and redundant. Nuanced performances from leads maintain interest through sometimes monotonous film. Compelling look at American Jewish culture from directors and cast who know it well.

Pineapple Express

Franco gives impressive comedic turn while Rogen plays Rogen again. Dialogue is funny but far too self indulgent. Designed so stoners could tune out half the film and not miss anything. Most compelling aspect is refusal to shy away from bloody disturbing violence. Stoned film forgets Heard’s storyline halfway through.

Killshot

Joseph Gordon-Levitt shines amidst a sea of half-hearted performances in poorly-paced by tonally loyal Elmore Leonard adaptation. Suffers from overly simple storyline with clichéd two-dimensional characters. Dawson, Lane and the Punisher do their best with shallow characters. Rourke’s performance is inspired. Unfortunately, it’s inspired by Heston’s Touch of Evil Mexican.

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Baby-Scott eases up on the epilepsy as Travolta Swordfishes a subway car. Well executed high-concept film compensates for action free segments with high doses of tension. Generally good, but hurt by annoying co-worker, excessive accounting lingo, bad driving from the NYPD designed to generate action, and sentimental 1980s closing freeze-frame.

Vantage Point

Incredible. Incredible premise. Incredible premise executed. Incredible premise executed terribly. Incredible premise executed terribly with. Incredible premise executed terribly with horrendous. Incredible premise executed terribly with horrendous plot. Bored yet? It gets worse. Features obnoxiously coincidental ending. Viewers who enjoy this film will likely empathize with Whitaker’s totally irrational character.

Leon the Professional

Melodramatic ‘90s music cues aside, a nearly perfect movie. Oldman, Reno, and Portman give their best performances to date in Besson’s perfectly choreographed action flick. Features a perfect blend of testosterone packed action and sentimental character study. Leon should pay a visit to the distributors of the abominable American re-edit.

The Breakfast Club

Soon-to-be washed-up actors deliver charming performances as stereotypical kids who chat for an hour to convince the audience that stereotypes are inaccurate. Failure. Simple plot marred by scatter-brained cutaways to antics of insane principal. Spoiler: culminates with everyone getting laid except the nerd, who gets to write a paper instead.

Bronson

Bastard son of Ritchie and Tarantino tries to remake Clockwork Orange and fails. An incredible performance from Tom Hardy fails to bring empathy to a despicable character despite charmingly creepy smile and disturbing amount of penis floppage. Perfect example of style failing to save a movie from an inadequate plot.

Wrong Side of Town

Two wrestlers, two rappers and a pornstar. Sound like a bad joke? It is. Pseudo-bond intro plays into totally irrelevant mob stereotype scene. RVD seems surprisingly decent, partly thanks to poorly acted five minute appearances by Ja Rule and Bautista. Action scenes are decent but the clichéd plot is abysmal.

Mrs. Henderson Presents

Dench and Hoskins perform fantastically in true story of the most high class nude bar ever built. War scenes ring theatrical and untrue, and ending is abrupt and melodramatic. More than offset by entertainment value and artistry of all the stage scenes and of course by the beautiful supporting cast.

Heist (2001)

Mamet’s highbrow dialogue slapped on an overly complex, perpetually twisty story. Compelling to the half-way point then loses steam. Decent performances of unsympathetic characters don’t particularly help the film. Great source of one-liner quotes and clever heist scenes. Otherwise a generally uninteresting crime caper. Totally inane plotting of female lead.