The Magnificent Seven

Aside from diversity, re-remake adds nothing and the whole is less than the sum of its parts. Irrelevant anecdotes can’t magnify seven enough to carry overabundance of action in a film that’s literally stunted. The peculiar performances peak well before Hawke and Washington give the town a Fuqed up Training.

Easy A

Classmates socially stone Emma for alleged sexual indiscretions in The Scarlet Podcast, compelling look at teens today and mediocre attempt at Hawthorne modernization. High school viewers may be jealous, not of the leads pseudo-sex-life, but rather of greatest parents ever, Tucci and Clarkson. Don’t you forget about excessive film references.

Never Back Down

Not Shakespeare, but it certainly delivers what it promises. Djimon teaches pre-Tom Cruise that one day he too can be an angry slave, while Peters of Kick Ass films infinite ass-kicking. Gigandet and Heard play their roles with conviction and even the sneaky title in dialogue seems decently sincere. Sequel!