Avengers: Infinity War

Whoever thought this many marvelous heroes could run the Gauntlet must’ve been Infinitely Stoned. But they somehow succeeded, so here’s 25 words, cuz Oh Snap!

Free State of Jones

McConaughey isn’t savior enough to rescue this messy movie from the poorly paced pitfalls of its divided story. Bizarre flash-forwards only further undermine a peculiarly instituted structure that dies with the confederacy. Title cards supply documentary tedium while Ali and Mbatha-Raw struggle to serve the masters of shoe-horned in subplots.

You Were Never Really Here

Taken 4 features Phoenix’s rise from rap career to Taxi Drive. Stoned and hammered character blends seamlessly into his actor, and yet empathy Never Really emerges despite palpable pain and sensational cinematography. Oddly paced and extremely existential, Ramsay’s post-violent drama is improved by its music, but still misses despite score.

Ready Player One

Spielberg’s excessively non-self-referential spectacle races to the starting line then struggles to maintain the virtual velocity of its opening antics. Loaded with loving movie and pop-culture references the shining Oasis is effectively Imaginationland re-animated and vastly more satisfying than the grainy real-world parallels, including mustache-twirling Mendelsohn and Inceptionally illogical finale.

Free Fire

For all its star power, this chamber piece fires all blanks except in its attempt to desensitize to gun violence. An attempt at a comedic crime caper completely misses the target as an arsenal of talented actors fill a Room with less personality than Brie alone has in the past.  

Isle of Dogs

Wes goes east in The Seven Symmetries, outdoing his meticulous shot design and quirky wit. But this adventure’s emotions seem to be lost in translation. Furthermore, the screwy set-pieces seem to have evicted the plot to trash island, and though the action is entertaining and fun, it’s ultimately doggone dissatisfying. 

The Little Hours

The Disaster Abbott is an extraordinarily unConventional literary adaptation, that serves up rations of raucous amusement and beautiful scenery, but neither in substantial enough portions to support the film’s weight. The leading performances are all entertaining, but they seem too consistent and the quest for an arc reveals there’s nun.