Ralph Breaks the Internet

Arcade world explodes outward, but moral message narrows for a cautionary tale about over-controlling friendships, in sharp contrast to the out of control online universe. Brilliant allusions to reality, a perfect peppering of product placements and an exemplary exploitation of Disney’s dynasty effectively fix up a wreck of a plot.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Rami rises royally to render Rhapsodic Mercy, raising the temperature of otherwise lukewarm Bohemian band-flick. Self-absorbed cinematic stylistic decisions clash with Freddie’s eccentric ease, as the film queerly contorts the timeline to find formulaic narrative while straightening out star’s personal life to satisfy censors he’d have scorned. Then Live Aid.

The Favourite

A Clockwork Lyndon applies Lanthimos’ self-aware style to an otherwise conventional albeit hilarious premise to shockingly entrancing effect despite a seemingly stroke-slowed final act. All About Emma features animalistic actresses wigging out wonderfully amidst sea of wigged men while wielding wickedly smart dialog that feels equal parts Shakespeare and Sorkin.

Bird Box

Bullock grasps Gravity of sightless situation as she struggles to accept children in The Even Blinder Side. Exceptionally eclectic cast gather in not so Quiet Place, instead filling it with clunky backstories while working out what’s Happening. Though the premise is outside the box, the payoff is for the birds.

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

An innovative advance in cinematic form that cleverly curls back on itself simultaneously granting unprecedented audience involvement while mocking how little this actually matters. Or an ill-conceived attempt to pander to the video-game crowd, leaning on the illusion of infinite options to compensate for a pseudo-intellectual subpar plot. You choose.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Spine-tinglingly sensational cinematic experience weaves a wonderful alternate world where ground-breaking arachnimation, comic comedy, and philosophical depth can co-exist simultaneously, and even as the brilliantly genre-bending cast of characters struggle to thwart trans-dimensional fusion they introduce our less-advanced reality to futuristic concepts like… genuine diversity, moral ambiguity, and increased spider-sensitivity.

-->

Vice

Bale’s Dick and Rockwell’s Bush don’t rock well enough to bail out Mckay’s Big concept which falls Short as present day politics Anchor down one Man’s character study. Stylistically opposed of its titular character, Vice’s vice is its reliance on heavy-handed set-pieces to set up its inherently obvious unitary message.

-->

Mary Poppins Returns

Poppins attempts to recreate not innovate, generating a super-fragile remake, riding original not to highest heights, but down the drain despite Hamilton’s de-light-ful dedication. After a kite-flying, hover-nanny throwback, two-way Streep sends the story backwards, then banker-ex-machina cameos in for a patched-together pace-stopper of a conclusion that… ends… up… boring!!!!!

Aquaman

DC Drowns Collosally as Conan the Aquarian succumbs to pier-pressure in this fishy farce, blunting each plot point to maximum dullness lest they acci-trident-ally poke more holes in a story that already barely holds water. Drogo and Crimson Heard have so little chemistry that even adding H2O isn’t a solution.